When we think about being in a relationship, many wonderful things come to mind… How special that person will make us feel, how happy we will be, how we will always be smiling because what’s not to smile about when you have found someone so amazing?
I know I thought that way…
Unfortunately, the reality of being in a relationship is that it takes work. What? Yes, that’s right! It is not all smooth sailing, but that is the beauty of it.
Here are some truths to remember about being in a relationship…
1. A Relationship is a Commitment
Changing your relationship status from ‘single’ to ‘dating’ or ‘in a relationship’, is not just a label you adopt. Stepping into a relationship is a commitment made to another. A commitment to no longer walk as an individual but to journey with another. No matter how casual or easy-going you feel your relationship might be, it is inevitable that you will hit snags that cause you to choose whether you ‘walk’ or whether you ‘work’.
A relationship that is committed will choose to work through the obstacles in order to grow as a couple. Please note that this advice is not applicable to those in abusive relationships, or those of the likes.
2. Love is not a Feeling
We see it every day in movies, on television and in the media. The “in love” buzz is something that seems so real and something we can all have just the way they have it. I am absolutely not suggesting that being “in love” is a bad thing, what I am saying is that the messages we receive in the media are not often realistic or applicable to our own lives.
The feelings that come with being in a relationship can influence our perception on everything around us. And we often jump into things based on this. We give of our trust, we give our money and our time, and often too, we give of our bodies (more on this in an upcoming post). What it is important to note though, is that these feelings are not what will sustain us through the tests and trials of our relationships. When your significant other is in the worst mood and seems completely unlovable, it is then you must CHOOSE to love them, despite the way they just spoke to you.
Being in a relationship, especially a marriage, means making a daily choice to love, despite how you may feel
3. Turning a Blind Eye Does not Make your Problems Disappear
When little things happen that upset us, it can be so easy to just brush them under the mat and not deal with them. Maybe we are too busy, maybe too afraid or maybe vulnerable discussions are an event of the past in your relationship. What ever the reason, I would like to challenge you to find out.
WHY? When talking about how things make us feel in our relationships becomes a normality, you are committing to grow together (guys, this is for you too!). Ignoring discussions about feelings only allows space for unnecessary hurt and resentment to have a place in your relationship, leading down a path of harmful (or complete lack of) communication.
Open those channels with your partner today and create a safe environment to have calm discussions about how certain actions or words make you feel. Making sure you stay away from ways of talking that “shame” and “blame” will make this communication all the more effective!
Well, if you are reading this and haven’t yet committed to a relationship- this was not meant to scare you! This is only to encourage you that going into a relationship with the knowledge AND the willingness to work at it, will only prepare you well for the journey ahead!
For those of you in relationships, like myself, I’m sure you will agree that working through things together (if done so in the right way) brings you out stronger and more effective as a “team”.
Can you relate? Let us know your thoughts on the journey of becoming a “skilled sailor” in your relationships!
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The team at www.in-arelationship.com