Break ups are not an uncommon thing. Sometimes it feels like there are seasons where many people are breaking up in our community. My husband and I have seen this happen, and walked with some of these people on their journeys through healing. Not only this, but we’ve had some hurtful break ups ourselves. We’re no experts, but we can offer some things we’ve learnt over the years from various circumstances that might help you moving forward too.
Let’s be real. These feelings suck (for lack of a better phrase). Whatever your situation or circumstances may be, whichever end of the break up you are on. It causes pain, confusion and lack of clarity on what the future holds for you as a person.
Unfortunately there is no one way fix, or easy answer. But here are some things that we suggest if you, or someone else are in a position of heartache from a relationship break up.
For more posts specifically on relationships, check out the blog on this website
- Allow yourself to feel
Like I already mentioned, breaking up is painful. There is no denying this. However some people can be quick to bury these feelings, or hide them behind anger, bitterness, resentment or numbness. While these other alternatives may seem like a survival measure at the time, I can assure you that allowing yourself to feel, hurt and grieve is the only way to truly move forward. Hiding from the hurt may seem to relieve the pain temporarily, but it will only hold you back from experiencing the true healing you need in order to live freely.
- Speak to someone you trust
Allowing ourselves to feel can release a lot of the emotional burden, but in order to make sense of the many feelings going on as a result of a break up, it is so important to speak to someone. Process your feelings with someone who you know is trustworthy and has your best interests at heart; preferably someone who you can continue to journey with in the long run. Talking to others may not necessarily heal us right away, but it sure does make the process a lot easier than keeping everything locked up inside our tender hearts
- Reflect on the things in life you are passionate about
Often when we experience a break up, our world feels like it has been turned upside down. It is so common for people to give so much of themselves to another person in an intimate relationship (emotionally and physically) that when they are no longer connected to the other person, they feel like they have lost so much of themselves too. If this is you, I deeply acknowledge and recognise this pain. But I also know there is hope for your future.
While you may still be grieving, start spending time getting to know yourself, your passions and desires, and as you find these things chase after them with all of your heart. Growing as a person in your passions, skills and interests brings great fulfillment and prepares you for a time where you may be ready to give yourself (your full self) to another person again.
- Tell yourself the truth
Part of processing with someone else is having someone acknowledge great things about you that you may not see, and helping you to uplift yourself when you don’t feel able to do so. Some people make promises to themselves as a result of their hurtful break up that only end up hurting them more in the future. An example is “my trust has been abused so I will never trust again”, or “he couldn’t love me for the way I was, how could anyone else?”.
If there are some of these thoughts floating around in your mind (we all have them from time to time), I urge you to process them with your trustworthy person and get them to help you speak truth into those worries. While the hurt may feel strong now, no person can decide your future for you. And just because it hasn’t worked out well this time, does not mean you are incapable of healing, finding yourself and learning to love again.
Learning to uplift yourself will do great things for your emotional, mental and physical health. Choose to accept what has happened, feel the pain, acknowledge your feelings and then actively move forward.
For more on Telling yourself the Truth, check out a bigger explanation here
You are a valued individual, regardless of your circumstance and you have a wonderful future ahead, if you will allow yourself to be compassionate and find the positivity to heal and move forward.