Moving Forward from a Hurtful Breakup: Four Tips for Finding Healing

Break ups are not an uncommon thing. Sometimes it feels like there are seasons where many people are breaking up in our community. My husband and I have seen this happen, and walked with some of these people on their journeys through healing. Not only this, but we’ve had some hurtful break ups ourselves. We’re no experts, but we can offer some things we’ve learnt over the years from various circumstances that might help you moving forward too.

 

Let’s be real. These feelings suck (for lack of a better phrase). Whatever your situation or circumstances may be, whichever end of the break up you are on. It causes pain, confusion and lack of clarity on what the future holds for you as a person.

 

Unfortunately there is no one way fix, or easy answer. But here are some things that we suggest if you, or someone else are in a position of heartache from a relationship break up.

For more posts specifically on relationships, check out the blog on this website 

 

  1. Allow yourself to feel

Like I already mentioned, breaking up is painful. There is no denying this. However some people can be quick to bury these feelings, or hide them behind anger, bitterness, resentment or numbness. While these other alternatives may seem like a survival measure at the time, I can assure you that allowing yourself to feel, hurt and grieve is the only way to truly move forward. Hiding from the hurt may seem to relieve the pain temporarily, but it will only hold you back from experiencing the true healing you need in order to live freely.

 

  1. Speak to someone you trust

Allowing ourselves to feel can release a lot of the emotional burden, but in order to make sense of the many feelings going on as a result of a break up, it is so important to speak to someone. Process your feelings with someone who you know is trustworthy and has your best interests at heart; preferably someone who you can continue to journey with in the long run. Talking to others may not necessarily heal us right away, but it sure does make the process a lot easier than keeping everything locked up inside our tender hearts

 

  1. Reflect on the things in life you are passionate about

Often when we experience a break up, our world feels like it has been turned upside down. It is so common for people to give so much of themselves to another person in an intimate relationship (emotionally and physically) that when they are no longer connected to the other person, they feel like they have lost so much of themselves too. If this is you, I deeply acknowledge and recognise this pain. But I also know there is hope for your future.

 

While you may still be grieving, start spending time getting to know yourself, your passions and desires, and as you find these things chase after them with all of your heart. Growing as a person in your passions, skills and interests brings great fulfillment and prepares you for a time where you may be ready to give yourself (your full self) to another person again.

  1. Tell yourself the truth

Part of processing with someone else is having someone acknowledge great things about you that you may not see, and helping you to uplift yourself when you don’t feel able to do so. Some people make promises to themselves as a result of their hurtful break up that only end up hurting them more in the future. An example is “my trust has been abused so I will never trust again”, or “he couldn’t love me for the way I was, how could anyone else?”.

 

If there are some of these thoughts floating around in your mind (we all have them from time to time), I urge you to process them with your trustworthy person and get them to help you speak truth into those worries. While the hurt may feel strong now, no person can decide your future for you. And just because it hasn’t worked out well this time, does not mean you are incapable of healing, finding yourself and learning to love again.

 

Learning to uplift yourself will do great things for your emotional, mental and physical health. Choose to accept what has happened, feel the pain, acknowledge your feelings and then actively move forward.

For more on Telling yourself the Truth, check out a bigger explanation here

You are a valued individual, regardless of your circumstance and you have a wonderful future ahead, if you will allow yourself to be compassionate and find the positivity to heal and move forward.

If every daughter could hear these words: the letter from Jared Noel to his beloved daughter

I am incredibly touched by the story of Jared Noel. But what amazes me is the legacy he is leaving upon his death. What I love is that this letter will not only be read by his daughter when she is old enough, but millions of women, young and old will read it too, and be touched.

“Leave a legacy”, he says. What an encouragement this is to all of us. I believe these words need to be heard by more girls out there, hence why I am reblogging it here…

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Three Authentic Reasons to Pray

I want to talk about prayer, something that may be seen as a ‘chore’ or some kind of religious act that we do from time to time to tick the box, or so we can say we pray.  I would like to shed some light on this, and would like to keep it simple. Which is why I will outline, 3 reasons to pray… and believe me, I am quickly learning that doing things because we feel we should will only drag us down and suck the life from us.

1. Prayer fuels our inner passions

We all have that something that makes us light up, makes us want to act. It’s the reason we reach out when we see someone in pain, or want to defend the ones we love. We all have gifts that have been given freely, things that make up who we are. But sometimes it isn’t always easy to identify exactly what they are, let alone understand how to use them.

Opening our hearts to pray means to ask the one who put the passions inside of you in the first place, what to pray about. Sometimes just sitting with an open heart and asking what to pray will begin something that ignites something deep within us. Being aware of what makes you who you are is an incredibly powerful tool for living life. Start seeking to understand it through prayer.

2. Prayer reveals God’s plan and our purpose

Whether we realise it or not, we are all seeking purpose for our lives in one way or another. Whether it is through joining a club or team to represent something, or volunteering for a local service, or maybe just looking for something that you can take hold of as a responsibility, something to call your own role. We’re all searching. Once we begin to understand the things that excite us, or make us passionate, we need to understand how we might use these. Again, this is not going by any set of rules or telling you that this is how you ‘should’ live life. It is coming from a place of understanding that when you are seeking to fulfil God’s purpose for your life and operating in the gifts he has given you, you experience a sense of wholeness. Why? Because you are operating in the way you were designed to be. When technology companies sell products, they don’t send customers to naturists to teach them how to use them. That would make no sense at all! The people who know and understand the products teach the customers how to use them. Because they created them and know how they are intended to work. It is the same with humans. When we want to know how we work, or what direction we should go, we ask the one who made us. He knows us best!

3. Prayer releases a love for God that is all-consuming

Like I previously mentioned, if prayer is something that we do just to tick the box- what’s the point? If the only outcome is building a good conscience, I can assure you, this will not bring any long-term comfort. It will only make you grow weary and soon enough you will be searching for another way to fulfil that need. If there is one thing I know about God, it is that he is a living God who desires to have relationship with us. When we reach out to him in prayer, it is an invitation for him to pour out his love on us, which he so longs to do for his children. The amazing thing about God, is that he will never force himself into our lives, he only answers when we invite him. Even if you do not know God, but this sparks a desire to pray. I encourage you to reach out in prayer and ask him to reveal himself as a gentleman to you. Many would be surprised at the response they get, thinking that God would never answer them because they are inadequate. When in fact, his response to us is with open arms, graceful and loving, if only we would offer him the invitation to speak to us.

 

What is your response to prayer? I would love to hear what God has fuelled in your heart as a result to beginning a conversation of prayer with him.